3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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