SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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