I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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