Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
