There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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