my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
