Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
