its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
