nut hugger
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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