apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
