So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're like the curious george of whores
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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