i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
