Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
