i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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