11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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