1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
