Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
