We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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