I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We smell like vodka and hangover
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