guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
