One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
