i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
