i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
