white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
