whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
