You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
