i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sober January is a disaster.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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