Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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