Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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