remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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