I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
