this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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