For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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