I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
