I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
