Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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