i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Drake has all the answers
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
