but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
