i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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