I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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