What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
