He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
