omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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