You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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