May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
