Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
