I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
