I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
