If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
