So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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